Tuesday, February 09, 2016

The Wanderer

To Kurt
                As the cold wind swipes my face
                And the gale raise high and dances
                As the morning sun plays hide and seek
                And the rain dampens all your spirits meek
                I, the lone wolf, is always on the move
                And I don’t have anything to prove
                Never to stay in one place twice
                Never to pay that ultimate Price

                You make noise and clamor
                With your small glorified travel for praise and glamour
                But have you tasted the salt of a rain
                Have you ever strained your ears to the winds song of pain?

                We often cross each other in the highway
                To the onlookers we look same on any given day
                But, don’t let it fool your own self
                Unlike you all, to know myself, I don’t need help

                We tread the same road but different path
                Your invisible chain will bring you back to your berth
                While the rain, the sun, the wind and fogs are my constant friend
                You keep you visor down, complaining you try to blend

                But, I don’t have a shackle of gold to hold my wings
                Neither do I have a golden wings
                I broke those bonds quite some ages back
                And wander across the world, riding my dreams


Monday, February 01, 2016


To Kurt

For I can sing a thousand melody
And strum the loneliest and loveliest of rhythm in my guitar
For I can spray paint the autumn sky with eloidie
Or make the winter night shower with shooting star

Just to see the smile once, just to hear the ring of your laughter
Just to spend a life time, which seems like a moment
Or spend a moment in a lifetime in the warmth of you flight and feather
Yet, to be, and only to be bathed in your fragrance and scent

For, now I can sing the loveliest of song in this winter chill
And I can climb the daunting mountain and the rugged hill
For I know that every step I take, every breath I take, every chain I break
Takes me near to that ethereal lovers eternal lake  

For many came and many went,
Like the flowers that blossom in that spring time eve
But, I desired that dark desire, an immortal love with a mortal lover
For there are many who trends the path, yet I wanted us, to be the pathfinder

Light and dark are just a phase, without it one can’t be unfazed
Horizons are always like a mirage, dusty, illusionary always hazed
For I would love to drown trying swimming in the stormy sea
Rather than fade out in the beach with sunshine eternity


Friday, July 24, 2015

The Lone Wolf

                          To Kurt
O to be alone and lonely
A feeling analogous of that of a felony
No I don’t need your apathy
Love is no more a fantasy
 A lone wolf and lonely still
Wolf maiden turned out to be sheep in wolf skin
And as the lone wolf howls his loneliness to the moon
Sadly his realisation of his loneliness came a less too soon
                                                                                                                ~~~The Lone Wolf

Friday, July 10, 2015

Perceptive Aberration

A 6 by 5 space in a high rise building in Delhi. The sky outside is overcast with cumulonimbus rolling over marking the beginning of the end of the summers which means that everyone now should brace up for the wetness that will preside for the coming months.

I, deskbound in this burrowed 6 by 5 space, is desolated and depressed. May be this mood has something to do with the changing weather. Dark Clouds, dark though, darkness within and extremely bored with the normalcy that has set in life and yet too scared to let go the illusion of a comfort zone that has been framed with in my mind as a so called perspective of current external and internal situation.

Currently I have no faith in anything in this world. You name it I will blame it. I mean I can blame everything including me to such an extent that people often become sore with me and that includes me to, but well I guess that’s just an occasional outburst resulting due to excessive and compulsive self-retrospection.

I like to be abstract and except world to understand what I am trying to communicate, whereas at times I myself forget that communication means clarity from both side.

Yet I like talking in riddles and puzzles except if you expect me to decipher one of yours I am better of sketching lies in that case.

I would often build a card house spending hours, labouring with my last level of concentration and patience, just to see kick it and destroy it at the end.

It gives me the greatest gratification. I mean, it is the only time I feel like god. Don’t get me wrong by thinking that I am an anarchist.

No I am not.

I would like to point out this behaviour as a pointer of right to create and right be obliterate your own creation.

What is a card house?

A card house is nothing but a differtial arrangement of cards in such a manner that it ends up stacking in a very aesthetic manner.

However, it is more worthless than cowshit. I mean you can at least use that for fuel or biogas but what use is a card house to any one including the one who build it.

I often used to build card houses from childhood days and used to take great pride once it was over. But the next moment that huge urge to destroy it would surge in my veins and I felt a deep desire to destroy the same. This desire is somewhat like the desire of drug addict in withdrawal.

So the instantaneous pride has to be followed by the absolute gratification and that gratification came from destroying my own creation.

I often wonder whether this abrasion in behavarioul outlook is only in me or others also have such traits in their though process also.

It was only during Vipassana I got a bit of insight on certain perspective related to this and my mind.

I loved taking huge credit from myself on completing a card house. I used to attach myself, my all existence, my pride, my exuberance with the preparation of that card house.

Deep inside my soul would become impaired when it witnesses me becoming happy due to my accomplishment. An accomplishment which was void.

The soul would wonder why I would rejoice after making something worthless. Is it just because I put a lot of effort to make it?

The soul knew that everyone in this world has the capability to make it but why am I in that instance beaming with pride on achieving something so trivial.

Then there would be a huge mismatch between my feeling and my souls feeling and then a contradiction would crop up in me.

A huge desire, which is perhaps my souls desire to get rid of the illusion that I have created. To be free of my own illusion that I have created something.

So I guess, the greatest gratification comes when I destroy the card house. It is a gratification of letting go of what was never there but only a perspective in my head


Friday, July 18, 2014


The two faced duality that offered fabrication in the wiles and truth in the silence in between the words. Yes my lords and ladies, I, would like to take a bit of all your time to talk a bit about well let’s put it this way, one of my favourite subjects… Drugs and Spirituality.
So, why this topic? Why am I making a singular commitment to actually correlate the effects of drugs and suggest the same as spirituality?
If you are no a dopie then you may miss out some of the aspects that I am talking about. And if you are into meditation then perhaps you might still disagree with my though process.
I will be quoting Osho a bit because he was the only guy who was kinda bold in manipulating perspective and giving it a new meaning altogether and guess what Osho also believes that the attraction of Drugs is spiritual. (Ref : http://o-meditation.com/2012/06/12/the-attraction-for-drugs-is-spiritual-osho/)
All he states that only the same should be done in moderation and in utmost guidance till a person actually reaches the state of mind which one reaches through meditation.
Point is there is no point in the whole argument or rather the existing of any point is not that necessary.
Fact of the case is if Drugs and Meditation is similar….i.e one is temporal effect and another is a permanent effect then I would like to bring it in front of you that the end result is a state of mind in surreal existence of neutrality.
Now given to the very objectivity of my observation, and trust me this comes from a person who has been into drugs at one point of time in his life, why would I need a surreal mind set to keep me neutral in the first place. Isn’t that hypercritic in the first instance itself? What am I scared of? What are my insecurities?
I was a dopie guy who liked to get high. But getting high got boring after some time and no, its not because what Osho says that the boringness was due to my body’s increased capacity towards drugs in general. No, I was bored of the same because, I became silent and my sense of observation in that silence was enhance with each time I got high and got I always get high in the first instance. In the very first drag.
What I observed scared the shit out of me. The state of mind of a druggie or a meditative person is impaired as the same is kept in a suspended animated state either by self practice or by stimulated drugs. That mind is unable to either feel happy or sad and perhaps that’s the one time humans truly attain the state of true neutrality.
Neutrality bored me after sometime. I know that prolong use of either drugs or maybe meditation would actually take my mental state and spiritual state to attain neutrality more often but to what end? I understood that it is death. Death of my own self. The self that has loved me so much. But death is truth. The only truth. And like Osho says, that truth is, and truth only is. Then that means that on my death I will attain the neutrality that people are so hungry to attain now and then I will cease to exist. Why in the hell would I be in such a hurry to loose my own self to attain neutrality. If I am incapable to feel pain then I will be an utter failure to actually soak all the beauty and love this world has to offer.
What does this mean? This means that the person loses his or her utter capacity to either love or hate anything this world has to provide and that state of neutral mind makes the person secure of the fact that he or she cannot be affected negatively by the pains that this cruel world actually dishes out from time to time.
Like the duality of yin and yang, I believe that no matter how much pain this world dishes out to you, there is out there the treasures, the beautiful treasures that will never cease to put a smile in your face and make you feel special. But beware, sometimes treasure that can make you smile may come in the form of a sandstone rather than precious diamonds or rubies or jewelleries.
 For all men and women must die but before we die no matter how much pain we face, the faith that life will often throw some beautiful should be cherished and realised.
Why live in neutrality because of the fear of pain?
Now, this state of mind would be a sanctuary for people who has been hurt and cheated throughout their life but knowingly or unknowingly these people have lost faith in the one thing… their own true self. Many will tell you that you can find your true self while you are meditating.
No, it’s actually the other way round; meditation is a mechanism to lose your own true self to neutrality. You can be secure but you will loose the very fundamental of life force that has been gifted to you…..the ability to cry and the ability to laugh.
I ventured into drugs, because I didn’t had the time to go for meditation after my lover broke my heart and went out of my life. The reason was same; I didn’t want to feel anything and wanted to secure myself. I wanted that neutrality.
Somewhere down the line, I realised that I didn’t feel any pain and I was content but then again after sometime I wanted to feel happy (there was a surreal pleasure, which I mistook as happiness for sometime) and was unable to feel the same because I had attained a state of neutrality due to my indulgence in drugs. So I didn’t cry but I lost the smile also. I was dead for the very first time in life and it gave me a certain kind of peace. The peace was what I had a glimpse of what was there in the end waiting for me. 
So one fine day, I decided that life is not all about sunshine and roses, and if I want to be happy and peaceful then I have to have the ability to face the sadness and disappointment this world has to offer. I should and must be brave enough to accept the duality this life and world has to offer.
I don’t need drugs or meditation to train my brain to neutrality. I fell in love again and yes it took sometime but I fell in love again. Yes there are pain and insecurity attached with it, but when I laugh or when I smile or when I love, I am at peace with myself, I find myself laughing deep, I find myself living again. This will never have been possible if I have lost myself to any of the above two.
There is nothing to attain except peace love and happiness. There is no heaven or hell out there, if there is one then it’s there very much inside you till your breath holds. The moment you die, the hell and heave disappears with you. Why would you want to die before your death?
No, I am not a masochist who will tell you that there is a certain charm in feeling pain. I am a lover would will entice you to believe that there is a certain charm in feeling.
For dead people don’t feel. Dead is neutral. Dead is dead. It cold as a fish and is the nothingness through which nothing sprouts out.