Friday, February 18, 2011

The End of a Rainbow

He was worried because it was unnatural for him to be worried. This has never happened to him. From his very young age till today he had lead a carefree life. Never wondered about silly questions like “what if" and "why". He found himself sweating. The beads of sweat in his forehead made him realize of an unknown feeling. A feeling which can be traced back to the pre historic age. A feeling which he cannot apprehend and neither can describe.
Where did it went wrong? That was a constant sentence and an apprehension that crossed his mind over and over again.
Though he was heavily sedated with alcohol and some heavy dose of marijuana, his clarity was not infected by this. He was wondering about his life and the meaning of the same. Some how he was not able to comprehend its purpose and neither can define the path he has followed. He stopped and wondered if he has followed any path or was he just wondering in a dark forest with no visible path.
Answers are not easy to find, especially in a day. Somehow he knew that all through his 25 years of life he has been living a life of a parasite. Maybe looking for sympathy or maybe looking for empathy. He was wondering why he needed that. Was he not good enough. He has always been good enough. But then he realized he has been lost for a long time. His childhood was married with the constant issues related to his dad and his mother. Somehow he blamed his mother for the same. Somehow he blamed his mother for every thing including his dads untimely death. Reason for the same is still not comprehendible by him. He remembered the time he used to spend time with his brothers and sisters. When he looks back it seems everyone was just playing the role of being his brother or sister and no one really cared about him. As if the stage was set for a big drama and he was just another side kick actor in the same. Somehow he never wanted that. He always wanted the lead role even though he believed that drama's were a waste of time and nothing in a drama is real.
His role as the side kick was also negative. He was mainly portrait as a erratic guy who was more or less as a villan who has scraped of the peace of mind of all his family and friends. He was sick of playing the bad guy. He wanted a release from the harsh reality and went for the age old drugs and alcohol for escapism. It was good in the beginning but then somehow he was hooked on to it. As if he just can’t let it go. As if he needed it everyday like a fish needs water. There was an initial pleasure in it till the whole thing fell apart. It started to consume him. He loved to hate this dependency of his.
Still the questions burnt in his mind and heart. Where did it go wrong that he faces this dilemma? His fight with his own brothers to prove a point. His pointless argue with his parents how they have been biased towards his brother, how he have been ignored, treated like a scum in his wake of life?
No it doesn’t matters anyway now. He couldn’t even hold a pen now. His dependency and withdrawal has made him even handicapped to hold a pen. His hands shook like the leaves in the winter wind and he knew that before it is too late he has to take the step else he may never be able to use his hand again.
The girl he fell for was just the last nail in the coffin. All she said was she was not interested to be even parsed by a beast. So here the beast laid down in vain trying to comprehend where in the path did he lost love. Was it ever known to him? Did he took things granted or was anything ever granted to him. So now it was just the time which needed him to do what was required of him.
The only rational he had was if any part of you body has contacted malignancy that part must be cut off and burnt. So he knew at that time what must be done. So he took the pills. All of them and thought about her, wondering till he saw the bright light and a voice of his dad calling him from the other side.

Somewhere later in the night his younger brother would find him with a noose around his broken neck. He was afraid to die so he overdosed himself with the pills and so when he fell asleep the noose just killed him. That’s how came an end of an unknown actor and no one noticed.

No comments: